I grew up in faith and the fellowship of the church. Music, ministry and a general pursuit of purpose were deeply ingrained in my character and career aspirations. I have always had a big vision and a unique ability to illustrate that vision in a way that made people excited to support my efforts. I had many traumatic experiences growing up but my faith and sense of purpose allowed me to suppress the effects of this trauma for a long time. I served faithfully in ministry and encouraged thousands of people to believe.
On my journey I have been an educator, a performer, an entrepreneur and a writer. I experienced success and incredible setbacks but my faith had never waivered. In 2014, I faced financial hardship, a miscarriage and the death of my father. I was standing on stage every Sunday, singing the praises of the Lord while depression was slowly taking over. As life’s difficulties continued to arrive, for the first time my faith began to shake. Although I have been “taking it to the Lord in prayer” for my entire life, I had no idea what to do.
I grew up in church my entire life. I have ministered in front of thousands of people and encouraged them to trust in the Lord. Nothing prepared me for my faith to falter. When my father died, my sense of purpose died with him. My ministry felt empty, my confidence was failing and my foundation was breaking. I couldn’t believe that this could happen to me. I was folding under the pressure of depression, even with all of the tools in my toolbox.
Yes, I am a Christian. Yes, I am an artist. Yes, I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Yes, I’ve been through the storm and the rain BUT I do complain. I do struggle to stay faithful. I do lose faith sometimes. Controversy Project shines a light on the dark corners of my struggle to get from hurting to healed.
I value significance. I have always wanted to make a difference in the lives of others. This is why ministry was such a great outlet for me. Unfortunately, I developed the unrealistic expectation that I had to maintain a spotless image in order to be effective. This developed a strong fear of sharing any struggle or shortcoming. As trauma emerged in my life so did the fear to let these struggles be seen. This fear paralyed my progress and kept me from sharing even the good things that I was working on. I am addressing this fear on a regular basis.
I do not profess to be an expert in any area. I seek to share what I have learned from experts around the world. I have read books, attended workshops and training, studied and interviewed experts in the relevant areas. I am here to share what I have learned the hard way in hopes of helping someone else learn more efficiently. I also seek to proactively assist others that serve at-risk youth with the insight from my hindsight.